"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
--Mark Twain

When you were little, what did you "pretend?" What do you pretend now?
I was a weird child. Many of my classes would tell you that I'm a weird teacher. All that to say, I didn't play "house" or "teacher" when I was little. I played "The Monkees," which pretty much consisted of me pretending that I toured around with the 60s music group. That's all I remember. Their show used to come on Nick at Nite, and I had a huge crush on Davey Jones. He was British and cute and...I was in the third grade.
I also played "restaurant" with my best friend Jessica Martell. We set up shop underneath her deck and would pretend to serve food to lots of famous people. Andre Agassi and Stephan Edberg were frequent visitors (who are those guys? famous tennis players, of course. my older brother Brandon was a tennis fanatic, and I loved whatever he loved. hence, a tennis restaurant.)
Oh, and embarrassing of all embarrasings, I used to play "pioneer." I loved Little House on the prairie, and would set up camp in the woods behind my house and pretend to cook things over a "fire." One time my "fire" was really fire. My family loves to tell the story of When Beth Burned Down the Backyard. It wasn't that bad. Really.
Writing down all of those "pretends" can be pretty humiliating. But it reminds me of my childhood innocence, of my capacity for play. We don't play enough when we get older, we don't imagine as much. We pretend to be unhurt when we are hurt, we smile when we are sad, we ignore those in pain or humiliation...our pretending is not as fun. And not so simple to get away from.
I think a lot of times, I pretend to know what I am doing. That I have it all together. Instead, each day I am surprised by something, each day I am learning. All moments are new, and I don't know what to expect. Not really.